Hey Reader
I just got back from Tanzania. Ten days of adventure, beauty, culture, wildlife, laughter, and experiences that I will never forget. I celebrated another birthday on the continent, rode in a hot air balloon over the wild, explored Zanzibar, and spent time in Stone Town learning more about its history. It was beautiful. And then I came home. Somewhere between unpacking my suitcase and getting back into my regular routine, I felt it. The comedown. Not just from the trip. From the high of living so fully and present. Because when you experience something extraordinary, sometimes it makes you notice what you wish you had someone to share it with.
And that brought me face-to-face with a truth I’ve been sitting with: I’m happy. I’m single. But I’m not happily single. And I know that sounds contradictory, but hear me out. I love my life. I really do. I’ve worked hard to become the woman I am today. I’ve healed from things I once thought would break me. I’ve raised my children. I’ve built businesses. I’ve traveled. I’ve created experiences. I’ve learned how to enjoy my own company. I don’t sit around waiting for someone to take me somewhere. I go. I don't wait for someone to buy me flowers. I buy them. I don't need a man to make my life interesting. My life is already interesting. But sometimes, after an amazing experience, I want to turn to somebody and say, "Babe, did you SEE that?"
That's the part people don't always understand. Being fulfilled and desiring partnership can coexist. I can love my independence and still want intimacy. I can enjoy my freedom and still want commitment. I can be proud of the life I've built and still want someone sitting beside me in it. And I don't think that makes me needy. I think it makes me human. But then comes the question...Have I made my standards too high? Someone recently suggested that maybe I expect too much. That there simply aren't that many men who live the kind of life I live. A man who values his health. A man who enjoys traveling. A man who is financially responsible. A man who is emotionally available. A man who is established and independent. A man who is curious about the world. A man who wants partnership. And I understand the point. But I also realized something: I'm not actually looking for a man who has lived MY life. He doesn't need to have been to Tanzania. He doesn't need to love everything I love. He doesn't need to have the same hobbies, interests, or experiences. He doesn't need to be a male version of me either.
What I need is a man who is curious enough to experience life with me. And I want to be just as curious about his world That's the difference between preferences and values. I'll compromise on preferences. I won't compromise on values. Because I'm not looking for sameness. I'm looking for compatibility. There's another part of this conversation I have to own. When you've been independent for a long time, you get really good at doing everything yourself. You make the decisions. You book the trip. You solve the problem. You pay the bill. You figure it out. You create your own happiness .And eventually, you can become so accustomed to your independence that you forget that partnership requires you to make room for another person. Not lower your standards. Not shrink your life. Not become less of yourself. Make room. Room for someone else's preferences. Someone else's ideas. Someone else's way of doing things. Someone who may not do things exactly the way I would. That's part of the work too.
I don't want a man who simply fits perfectly into the life I've already designed. I want to build something together. And maybe that's the real lesson for me right now. I'm not waiting for my life to begin when I meet someone. My life is happening right now. Tanzania happened. My businesses are happening. My friendships are happening. My healing is happening. My joy is happening. My becoming is happening. But I also don't have to pretend that I don't want love just because I have learned how to live without it. I want my person. Not because I need someone to complete me but because I want someone to share the fullness with.
I want someone who will look at a sunset with me. Someone who will say, "Let's go," when I have another crazy idea. Someone who will hold my hand while we're walking through a place neither of us has ever been. Someone who will sit across from me at dinner and talk until the restaurant starts turning the lights up.
Someone who has his own life, his own passions, his own identity...but still wants to create a shared life with me. That's the kind of love I'm making room for. And until it arrives, I'm going to keep living. Keep traveling. Keep laughing. Keep creating. Keep choosing myself. Because I'm not going to make my life smaller just because I haven't met the person who belongs in it yet. I'm simply leaving a seat open.
With love,
Ms. Echo
Your Self-Love Advocate + Empowerment Coach
Instagram | msechochantel.com | Payhip.com/MsEcho
